PETA: Bands Should Change Their Names.
As many of you have probably already heard, PETA has been running a campaign to change the the word “fish” to “sea kitten.” It is believed that if people thought of fish the same as they do innocent little kittens, people would stop massacring fish by the millions. I personally think the Sea Kittens campaign is brilliant and hilarious. It’s drawn tons of people to PETA’s website and garnered the attention of the press for weeks.
Now PETA has decided to step it up a notch with a list of great bands that would be ever greater if they changed their names. Here’s the list:
Meat Puppets: Oh, 90’s alternative rock, how I’ve missed you! If you were in High School rocking your flannel and combat boots, I know you know all the words to “Backwater” just like I do. Maybe as the Tofu Puppets they can make a spongy grungy comeback.
Meat Loaf: I would do anything for delicious food, but it won’t be meat! Meatloaf, do us all a favor and change your name to Lentil Loaf. Not only does Lentil Loaf have a nicer ring with that extra syllable, but it won’t rot in your colon!
Cattle Decapitation: They’re a band full of vegetarians, so we think this death metal band should trade their name for Cattle Appreciation to match their ethical beliefs. This might not sound as “metal”, but I assure you, cows are more badass than you might think.
Pet Shop Boys: If Oprah did an entire show exposing the abuse of pet stores and puppy mills, and you’ve still got “pet shop” in your name, you know you’re in for it. C’mon guys, get with the times! Change your name to the Animal Shelter Boys and show everyone that adoption is truly the only way to go. I might be even more inclined to listen to “West End Girls” for the 2,000th time. Just sayin’, I love that song!
Deerhunter: Calling all Pitchfork Media lurkers! Wouldn’t you say it’s about time for this acclaimed indie band to change their name to Deerhugger? Not only does their music seem more appropriate for a deer hugging session, rather than the killing of innocent animals, but they’d only have to change three letters to make this happen. Is that really asking too much?
Leathermouth: As a huge fan of the “horror punk” genre, I must say that I’m already in love with what I’ve heard from Sexiest Vegetarian winner, Frank Iero’s band, Leathermouth. The one thing I could do without is the name. My worst possible nightmare would be a mouth made of chemically treated cow skin that would otherwise rot. Pleathermouth—with only one extra letter—however, sounds delicious.
The Stray Cats: The Stray Cats are known for helping pioneer the rockabilly scene with hits like “Stray Cat Strut” and “Rock This Town”, but they would be known for helping spread a positive message about animal birth control with their new name, The Spayed Cats.
Skinny Puppy: These industrial pioneers were known for speaking out in favor of animal rights, be it with anti-vivisection songs like “Testure” or Nivek Ogre’s theatrical stage antics. With the name Well Fed Puppy their mission would be a bit more obvious.
Reel Big Fish: Fish? What fish? I have no idea what you’re talking about. If you’re talking about the adorable creatures of the sea with whiskers, you must be talking about Sea Kittens. There will be no reeling of sea kittens here, but Pulin does admit to skanking at a Reel Big Fish show back in the day. Yep, I said it! Sorry Pulin, but you’ll now be skanking to Real Big Sea Kittens.
Pig Destroyer: After knowing that the only difference between pigs and dogs are the way that we treat them (Woof! campaign, anyone?), I propose that this metal band should change their name to Pig Enjoyer. Enjoy pigs for the amazing animals that they are, not for their flesh!
Disclaimer: See also: “tongue in cheek”, “humor”, “I’m kidding”, and “J/K”
