Salami Bouquet For V-Day.

Dear, I love you so much that I’m giving you heart disease.

A Portland Oregon company is offering a special promo for Valentine’s Day, a hand-made bouquet of five assorted salami sticks.  Creatively titled a “salamigram,” $75 of salted meat can be delivered to your lover by the singer of a local band who will also sing a special song upon receipt.

This is a great idea if you’re trying to make your Valentine obese, impotent, and diabetic.  

Better stick the candy hearts, flowers, and dark chocolate.